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Highlander II: The Quickening (1991)

The worst movie of all time! Now, every gamer worth his dice has already done his own rant on this, but since it’s the undisputed champion of genre-raping movies, I have to say my peace.

To begin, let’s say that good characters can have an identity-crisis, but bad movies have a genre-crisis. The original was a fantasy. It made you wonder. It worked a kind of magic with such elements as faith, possibility, and sheer primitive wonder. But now, somehow, all the magical beings are aliens from another planet. It’s worse than how the Medichlorians ruined The Force in the "Star Wars" saga. You can’t change fantasy to sci-fi. You can’t change genres in the middle of a story! Imagine if Weird Al really did get the funding to make "Gandhi II" as an action based comedy? How would that compare to the original "Gandhi"? Um, well, actually that’d be kinda cool. Bad example. Okay, how’s this? Try continuing the story of "Jaws" with a musical directed by Woody Allen, or a follow-up to "The Princess Bride" made into a Wes Craven slasher?

Now, could The Prize have overloaded Conner’s brain? Throughout the original film, the immortals are born at various times throughout thousands of years of history (kind of like entering a Royal Rumble match), but according to this so-called movie, they were renegade aliens banished to earth at the same time. Continuity problems suddenly spread like cancer throughout this entire franchise! For, if they were indeed aliens, why weren’t they aware of it? And if they were rebels, why wouldn’t they stick together on earth? What, to fight for a Prize so one can return? To what, a lost war? Their planet seems to be a total shithole compared to Earth. What’s worse, they’re frickin’ immortal on Earth! Why’d they want to go back? Why’d the producers want this?

Speaking of producers, now is time for the answer to the riddles of the cosmos: How was this movie so bad and why did Sean Connery have anything to do with it? Turns out, when Connery signed for the original, he signed on for a sequel as well. Ooops. But to make matters worse, the insurance companies took over this production, and would often override the director. It got so bad that the director and its stars tried to walk, but the insurance company threatened to enforce their contracts and sue. The director walked out of the premiere 15 minutes in.

Taken on its own, the basic premise of this movie could have been a really cool movie! Renegade aliens banished to Earth and forced to fight for redemption due to some cosmic religious rule? An ozone that rebuilt itself and the renegades can make a difference on this world by shutting down the corporate MicroSo—I mean, "sky shield" technology? I’d be pretty cool. But since when did "Blade Runner" make a good sequel to "Raiders of the Lost Ark"? This premise should have developed as its own sci-fi entity.

Wow, did I get through that infamous shit in only 450 words? Surely I must be missing something! Oh, yeah, the rip-off-the-first-movie-villain-villain, the hedgehog hitmen, Sean Connery disappearing into a ceiling fan, and earlier on reappearing after being killed because Conner called his name—if they could do this, if they could suddenly reappear by calling to each other, why didn’t Conner and Connery just hang together and call each other back whenever killed in the original? Why did Conner go 400 years solo? Why can’t the writers come up with a more imaginative way to include Sean Connery? Obi-Wan Kenobi managed to do it, even with the bad writing of Lucas! What’s the excuse here? Is there one? There can be only one!


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